i have no hope and no joy. i have no motivation. everything looms up and over me, weighing down, waiting. i feel that i will lose. for all the battles i've fought and won, this time i have no fight left. it is all utterly fucked. i cannot communicate the internment. the panic, the grief, the paranoia. it is eating me- has eaten so much of me away- very little remains. i cannot cope. i cannot continue. apologies are hollow. and now it no longer matters.
mdy. 3.17.15
